celebrity of the month. January 15, 2010

Let’s talk celebrities. I love them. I loathe them. Let’s be honest:

I want to be one.

Gossip mags pertaining to the stars including, but not limited to, US Weekly, People and Star, just grab me by the balls and don’t let up. So I bring to you Celebrity of the Month. Now, I know it’s 1/2 way through January, but this brilliant beyond brilliant idea struck me this morning as I was mulling over my morning tea and awesome gossip rag, while watching Saved by the Bell latest writing assignment. When a little gem of a preview came on:

And I realized, Nicolas Cage has only three requirements to do a movie:

1. Must be chased by authorities or authority-like figures, i.e.: Gone in 60 Seconds, Face Off, Con Air.
2. Needs to have token “freak out” moment. See: Gone in 60 Seconds, Family Man, Ghost Rider.  
3. Speaks in whisper at most climatic of times. Scene Go: Gone in 60 Seconds, Face Off, Con Air, Family Man, Ghost Rider, National Treasure, Knowing, Valley Girl.

As you can see, none of these requirements are missing from upcoming movie. Those guys in cloaks may not be authority figures, but I would not want to be fucking with that possessed gal. And that whole “cut off her head” statement classifies as “freak out” to me. I generally don’t find myself ordering someone to cut someone else’s head off unless I’m, you know, freaking out. Not that I’d ever order anyone to cut off anybody else’s head off to begin with.

I digress.

Dude. The whisper. That’s all he’s going to do in this movie.

And, because of this, I crown Nicolas Cage the very first, of many, Celebrity of the Month.

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